I've said this before, but I'll say it again because I think it is really what is going to get me through the next few years.

I don't need to defend my choices to anyone. I only need to do what I've decided to do well and ignore what anyone has to say about it.

After years of what my dad refers to as 'floundering' I'm not surprised no one really thinks I'm capable of accomplishing much. I'll admit I've tried a number of areas of study and been excited about all of them in the beginning. So again, not really much of a reason for anyone to think this is any different. It is, but forget making that argument. I think instead I'll just do it. And then in a few years when I'm one of the very few people who gets to do what they love and live off it, it won't matter who I was or what I did or didn't do in the beginning.

I want to do something that makes me want to get up in the morning. I want to care about my work. I want to do something I care about so much that I think about it when I'm not doing it. Miyamoto has this quote about defining a fun game. Just replace 'fun' and 'game' with 'meaningful' and 'job' and it is exactly what I mean.

"My personal definition for what makes a game fun is whether or not when you're not playing the game, you're thinking about playing the game. That to me tells me it's a very fun game."

My personal definition for what makes a job meaningful is whether or not when you're not doing the job, you're thinking about doing the job. That to me tells me it's a very meaningful job.

Unfortunately the Guildhall admissions counselor is out for the rest of the week so my questions about the GRE and such will have to wait. In the mean time I need to start learning about using the Unreal Tournament and Quake engines. I suppose I'm gonna start with Wikipedia because I'm not sure I have even the most basic understanding of how to use either to create maps. Really my only experience has been with Halo 3's Forge which has an in-game UI. I'm hoping UT3 and Quake are more like using SolidWorks or Pro/E or Auto CAD. Mmm, Cartesian coordinates.

I'm still trying to find a job. I don't plan to start the program until January so that gives me 8 months to pay off my debt (OMG how?) and maybe get some kind of nest egg going. So maybe I should be looking for two or three jobs:) Bit greedy considering most people can't get one, yes? I'm also taking a hard look at my expenses, my possessions, and my wish lists and questioning what I really need and what is just distracting filler/a money sink. It is nowhere near time since my lease isn't up until the fall, but I'm trying to get a feel for what sort of apartment I can get for at least $100 less per month and still in a nice, safe neighborhood. You'd think that was a complete pipe dream, but there are actually a couple choices, so that is good news.

So yeah, that is all the banality I've got in me for now. I'm going to go look up the game engine stuff now. I'll let you know how it goes:)